Rick and Morty — Season 9 Episode 7 [DUB]

"im a wobbly, rick wtf is going on"

"im in the same position as you are. but i can guess that those roots extracted our biological data we think of as our minds and reincarnated us as amoeba"

"how do we get our old bodies back?"

"well thats the wrong question. but its the one all new cellmates ask"

"hahaah. cell mates, we use humour to stay sane in this place. yes sir many folks have tried to raid this planet and ended up down here."

"growth and rebirth, the ball and chain around our ankles. in here a man can truly change. but dont mistake that for freedom."

"gimme your cytoplasm you limp dick motherfucker"

"screaming, moaning *pop*"

"loud groan *pop*"

"slurping"

"what?"

"huh guess if you die you start over. good thing we havent made much progress. try not to die morty."

"hello my delicious friends."

"hes multicellular now!"

"back for another helping?"

"spawn camping piece of shit!"

"jesus"

"prison rules morty. get to the top of the food chain or youre someones dinner *munching sounds*"

"ye get in here. we need the nutrients"

"slurping"

"auggh its like salty tapioka"

"if this place is dumb enough to let us manipulate our dna morty. then well just evolve our way out!"

"first step is fins."

"wait, how?"

"mitosis morty. eee think really hard about being your own daughter. *groaning*"

"*groaning*"

"being a fish isnt so bad. swimming is fun"

"i do like how youre never thirsty"

"and the whole world is your toilet"

"*breathing barely* air.. so good"

"*breathing*agh air, so good"

"surprise sounds and heavy breathing"

"toughen up morty. the primordial soup was just the beginning. were in some kind of hollow earth. the reincarnation field must be contained withing the wardens root lattice"

"if we escape to the surface. we escape the cycle"

"choking"

"god damn it morty. youre a lung fish. use your lungs"

"..."

"sorry"

"you know how much willpower it takes to drown yourself?"

"what do you wanna try next"

"i got 8 words for you. legs"

"this is great. we let our food come to us and plan our next move"

"uhm. i think im stuck"

"in our own web?"

"its fine. ill use you and pull myself up"

"ee dont! damn it!"

"haha not so fun is it?"

"eat shit"

"im gonna."

"morty. im gonna evolve wings. and then im gonna kill that guy"

"woohoooho this is amazing rick."

"and really quick to get to. uhm birds are basically small dinosaurs"

"alright morty. theres no thermals so weve gotta evolve really specific wings to get up there"

"ohh you cant build us mech suits yet?"

"nah birds can get wherever they want but cant do anything once they get there"

"its like astral projection"

"ouu shii he can get us down here too"

"alright pretty obvious. we gotta climb a tech tree to climb the actual tree"

"and we do that with?"

"hands. subtle grippy hands. and a pretty familiar version of"

"god just go already."

"dont wait up!"

"noises"

"uhm this watering hole is pretty tense. pretty ape heavy"

"exactly"

"this hole is for apes only. clear out"

"ohhh we were just drinking water"

"and using tools. hey look this guy is jerking off a stick with his rock. hes a stick stroker"

"laughing"

"im gonna end you toolman."

"we can move along"

"noises"

"oh my god rick"

"ay what the fuck"

"ay kill those monkeys slightly different than us"

"what are you doing rick"

"they started it. domination through technology morty"

"were going apex. this stick is your god"

"rick?"

"im doing this for both of us. ill find you when i find you"

"guess he really did bail on me"

"you lost son?"

"oh oh hey uhm please dont kill me for my cytoplasm"

"oh child. youve been trapped in the cycle of violence too long"

"i dunno. maybe youre right. im tired of fighting all the time"

"mhmm ive seen countless souls waste a billion lifetimes trying to bust out of here"

"but you cant fight the cycle son. you gotta submit to it. serve nature"

"is this where you kill me?"

"oh youre traumatised"

"wow. pollinating building little hexagon houses. feels good to do something positive"

"mhm you see i reckon the warden likes it too"

"what are you in for morty? i was a scout for orc species looking for planets to conquer"

"i was a scout for a sludge species looking for planets to conquer"

"oh im a touch different because i was a pod person. looking for planets to conquer"

"i was helping my grandpa get sap. i assume it makes energy or gets you high. i dont know"

"aha. that adds up he seems the type to be locked in here. but you dont"

"thank you"

"its a, theres a"

"g o r"

"shouldve spelt ape"

"onto the next one. every cycle every evolves us closer to parole"

"cheering"

"oh im so fucking wounded"

"everyone follow my lead"

"your lead? im the alpha"

"dog im the alpha"

"easy prey here. easy pickings"

"get him"

"now"

"im the alpha"

"omega"

"a hole? this isnt alpha at all"

"were all betas now. cmon time to meet the boss"

"hey i know usually i would be trying to eat you and all but maybe los lobos in the herd"

"hey no interspecies solidarity"

"wolves have been incorporated sir. all except for that one"

"im sorry for the things i said about apes."

"more fermented berry mash"

"right away sir."

"its time to climb this fucker"

"listen up pawns. we begin the task of scaling this root. the root will kill you if you touch it"

"youll go one at a time for observation purposes"

"on now."

"kinda feel like im being punished for my loyalty but"

"lead by example gorilla number 3"

"noises"

"gas 20ft up. next!"

"you know what. fine if we cant break out. we break him"

"so we clean shit from the ocean?"

"ocean needs cleaning"

"and we shit in the ocean?"

"ocean needs shittin"

"and we shit in the soil while eating shit out of the soil?"

"youre pretty hang up on the shit part"

"whats troubling you son?"

"i meani like the non violence dont get me wrong and having a shell is fun but just feels like were going in circles"

"thats what a healthy ecosystem is. eventually the warden will notice our piety and set us free"

"until then we find peace in here"

"so a reformed prisoner is someone who deosnt wanna leave the prison?"

"see you get it. aw now. youre prolly just hungry. here"

"i guess i dont wanna eat whoever that is."

"how son? thats a vegetable. noone picks being a vegetable"

"youd have to really give up to be one of those"

"hey i think im maybe gonna brave the rest of this life alone"

"well you know where to find us. well be eating shit"

"sun real sun"

"oh great warden i did it. i figured it out"

"the goal is to be a plant like you"

"ow so many nutrients in the soil up here"

"yes the life cycles of the guilty provide nourishment"

"ow but thats more of a byproduct than the point of all this right?"

"laugh"

"so i live up here now?"

"this is my spot"

"okay i can go find my own planet"

"uhh you would kinda need to be a spacefarer for that and i dont like those"

"but now you know how cool it is to be a tree"

"boink"

"okay we have that bronze postmortem in 10"

"followed by the all hands onn opposable thumbs"

"ill reschedule"